Sexual Intelligence: What we Really Want From Sex and Home to Get It, by Marty Klein, wisely suggests that we ask ourselves what we truly are looking for from sex. When we have sex are we looking for validation? Reassurance that we are men? To convince ourselves we have some worth? Give some real thought to what you go to sex for and see if it is realistic to get those needs met through sex or are you barking up the wrong cock?
Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men’s Lives, by Walt Odets, explains how most gay teens growing up not being able to share their lives and feelings with their peers or freely express their natural desire to be sexual leads to them having sex outside of their everyday social lives, making it easy to feel shame about this sex they are having in secret. This will often continue into adulthood. Check in with your body to see how it feels when you think of and experience sex. Is there something that brings up shame? If so, this is getting in the way of truly being able to experience the sex you deserve and you may want to see a sex therapist that can work with you to disentangle shame from sex.