​Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men’s Lives, by Walt Odets, tells us that heterosexual society prefers to categorize gay men as purely sexual beings, devoid of emotion, because it then others us and allows them to be superior.  Odets wants gay men to challenge this view and own that we are actually gay men not purely because we have sex with other men, but because we have emotional attachments to men.  
 

​I am with the camp that feels the term internalized heterosexism is a more accurate representation of what gay men experience instead of internalized homophobia.  Most gay men are not afraid, or phobic, of their gay identity.  Instead they experience shame because of how they are treated by society.  We live in a heterosexist society where the majority of the beliefs and content we take in promotes heterosexism as the ideal.  It is extremely difficult to live in this kind of world without having some shame for not being heterosexual.  Let’s start using this more accurate term for what we experience and have some self-compassion for what we have to go through.